Boring
Tune - Nicaea

Boring, boring, boring!
Anglicans are boring!
Not Catholic nor Protestant,
but somewhere in between!
Boring, boring, boring!
Anglicans are boring!
Via Media, wishy washy mediocrity!

What A Friend
Tune - Friendship

What a friend we have in Cranmer,
Archbishop extraordinaire!
What a privilege to carry
Cranmer's Book of Common Prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit!
Oh, what needless pain we bear!
All because we do not carry
Cranmer's Book of Common Prayer!

There is a Green Book
Tune - Horsley

There is a green book recently,
invaded our church walls!
It caused a shock wave through the church
from here to Old St. Paul's.

They cried "It is not good enough,
not like our BCP!"
At least that's what they say
in the Prayer Book Society!

The bishops who did write this book
are all retired or dead!
Just think of all the grief they'd saved...
IF THE COVER HAD BEEN RED!!

I Am An Anglican!
Tune - God Bless America

I am an Anglican!
Pure C. of E.!!
I am high church
Not low church
In communion with Canter-bury!
Not a Baptist,
Nor a Presby,
Nor a Lutheran, white with foam!
I am an Anglican,
just one step from Rome!
I am an Anglican,
just one step from Rome!
Repeat, with hand on heart,
and thurible swinging.

The Monstrance
Tune - In The Garden

I come to the altar aloooooone
when the host is still in the monstrance,
and the incense there, wafting through the air
the Son of God discloses...
oooohhhh I...
KNOW He's there yes I KNOW He's there,
in the blessed sacrament!
And the joy we share as we tarry there...
no Baptist has ever known!!

The Monstrance: Version 2!
Tune - In The Garden

I come to the altar aloone
when the host is still in the monstrance,
and the incense there, wafting through the air
the Son of God discloses
...and he is with me, yes he is with me
in the Blessed Sacrament
and the joy we share as we tarry there
no Protestant has ever known

We kneel at the sound of the bell
it sounds like angels are singing
And the golden cope gives a ray of hope
I feel my spirit winging
Refrain

I'd stay at devotions with him,
though the night around me is falling,
And I must away though I'd rather stay
His voice to me is calling
Refrain

I'd stay at devotions with him,
telling beads by the candlelight's glimmer
But I must go home, though not to Rome,
As the votive lights glow dimmer
Refrain

Acknowledgements
"Boring", ancient legend has it, was either written by, or quoted by, a Youth Synod in Niagara Diocese some 15 years ago. If that's true, there must be other verses out there, send them in, please!

"What A Friend" was found by Bill Cliff. Bill is a tea-totler, but occasionally hangs around with people who are not, and who write things.

"There Is A Green Book" was written by David Pickett, whose children complain that he's always writing alternative words to things, and ruining their favourite songs. Welcome to their world.

"I Am An Anglican" was written in New York by an unknown group of American Episcopalians, hence the tune. We Canadians admire their spirit, and wonder if the text was written because they got tired of the word "Episcopalian" and wanted to get back to the source... or whether it can all be blamed on the combination of a long convention and too much scotch.

"The Monstrance" was found by Bill Cliff, probably at the same party as "What a Friend". One can only wonder at the cathartic tone of the text... this one is dedicated to all those Anglicans who, even if they like the hymn "In The Garden" have just been forced to sing or play it one too many times.

"The Montrance" Version 2 was sent to us in 2009 by Roger Young of the Diocese of Ottawa, who in his days at Trinity (Toronto) in the 70's used to hang out with the "Nova Scotia Delegation". He fondly remembers them, lead by Peter Harris, singing this fuller version of "Montrance", and we can only speculate that they perhaps invented the sort of parties at which Cliffie hangs out!!

Ideas...
There are other send-ups out there, far too naughty and controversial to be included on a fine, upstanding website like this one. However, you may be aware of a gem... if you have "send-up" suggestions for The Three Cantors, by all means use this link to email them to us!!

P.S.
At concerts, especially after singing "The Vatican Rag" by Tom Lehrer, and at which the R.C.'s laugh the loudest, we have been approached by people who have complained that we have made fun of every denomination, including our own... except the United Church. They want to know what's wrong with their church, and do we think they are un-worthy of our humour. Please accept the assurance of "The Three Cantors" that we think the United Church is just as funny as all the others, and as soon as we can find a text worthy of them, it'll be included forthwith.